deep thinking...

I've been sitting here playing a game of Bejeweled and thinking about things. Wondering about why things are. Mostly about why some things bother me so very much. And of course it all boils down to my parents. Everything is about them right?

Here's the deal...

My birthday is coming up. It's 10 days after Christmas. My mother likes to buy me a large gift for Christmas and say it's for my birthday too. She doesn't seem to mind much if I do a similar thing to her... her birthday is Dec 1st. And I'm pretty sure that it didn't bother me so much at one point. But now it really iritates me.

No one would ever think to do that to a person with a birthday in say... July. Right? Is there anyone out there with a birthday in July who has gotten a Christmas/birthday gift???

So I've been pondering why this bugs me so much. I'm sure that folks who have birthdays closer to Christmas get this all the time and have learned to live with it or perhaps even enjoy it.

And I think I've got it figured out. It's two fold.

The first part is that my father never remembered my birthday. He doesn't remember anyone's birthday unless it's his own. He barely remembered Christmas...in fact I know that one year he had me go with him to do the Christmas shopping for my brothers and myself. That is the WORST thing a parent can ever do to a kid. I went to the store, picked out everything for my brothers...got my own gift, wrapped them all on Christmas Eve and put them under the tree. The following morning there was just what I put under the tree...nothing more. Not even a card.

Of course this man had done plenty of "Worst Parent on Earth" worthy deeds. But that's another blog.

The second part is when I first moved out on my own, I lived with a boyfriend. And he could never wait for Christmas. The first Christmas that we were together, he had given me my Christmas gift probably the day he bought it or the following day and gave it to me. Told me to open it right then. Thinking that I might be getting more gifts on Christmas, I opened it. It was a cute stuffed animal...and it was all I got that year. My friends were as confused as I was. They thought he was being cute and doing a 12 days of Christmas thing...where I would get something each day until Christmas... NOPE. He did that every year that we were together...and worse when my Mom sent me my Christmas/birthday gift...he forced me to open that too. (when I say forced, I mean he bugged me endlessly about it until I opened the gift.) So on Christmas day there was nothing for me to open. And of course for my birthday there was nothing to open either.

So now that it has been over 20 years since that happened, one would think that I would have gotten over it. I wish I had thought to bring this up when I was seeing the counselor. I would sure like to be over it.

Luckily, I have a wonderful DH who while he teases me about doing the Christmas/birthday gift thing would never seriously ever do it. He knows how much my Mom doing it buggs me, so he doesn't. Besides, he's smart enough to know that everything goes on sale after Christmas and he can get me a much bigger gift for my birthday...which makes me happier.

Okay, after hearing from Carmen, I've decided that perhaps my perturbance at this issue might not be out of line. So to test my theory, I'm asking for folks to tell me what month their birthday is in and if they have ever received the combo Christmas/Birthday gift.

January - Me gets combos, Carmen gets combos, Better Safe than Sorry no combos!
February - goofy girl sometimes gets combos, Bone got degifted!
March - Jake & Bathsheba's mom no combos
April - Cheysuli doesn't normally get presents at all,
May -
June -
July - Chickadee (Colleen), Barbara no combos either!, Samantha no combos
August -
September -
October - the big man, Mar, Dawn
November - Denise gets combos, Veronika no combos!
December - Holly gets combos, Rascal's big brother no combos ('cuz mom wouldn't allow it. YAY MOM!), Samantha's twins used to combo but not any more.

Thanks for helping me conduct this poll.

I've learned the term for this is "Double-gifting" although that sounds a little like I should be getting twice the gifts. Perhaps "Combo-gifting" fits better. And poor Dawn's parents who get combo-gifted for Mother & Father's days.

I wanna thank all y'all who don't get combo-gifted who support us who do get this.

And Colleen asked "does she (my mom) know how I feel?" Yes, I've told her. But she feels that since it's her money and she doesn't have much that I should be looking a gift horse in the mouth. To tell you the truth, I would prefer if she gave me the combo-gift on my birthday instead.

So I'm seeing her that those of us who get combo-gifted, don't like it and those of us who don't get combo-gifted completely understand our feelings. So YAY! That's a good thing.

Jake & Bathsheba think my Mom has a control thing about my birthday and I think they're right. She's got some severe control issues (that's another post!), and for much of our lives we were very poor. She's always been proud of how she was able to keep us all well fed and clothed on such a tight budget. However, part of that was taking advantage of the fact that two of us had our birthdays near Christmas and two had birthdays in the summer...so she did not throw us birthday parties at all.