Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Me + Snow Skiing= DANGER!!!

TC asked me to blog about my skiing experiences. Lucky for me I've only gone skiing 3 times so I won't have to bore you too much...and who knows it might even be humorous.

Let me first say, I grew up in the south. I do not like to be cold. My body has NO insulation against cold...I don't know what all this fat on my body is for, but it doesn't keep me at all warm. So when it's cold out, I layer up and I look like the Michelin Man. I wish I could look like a cute snow bunny...but it aint happenin.

The very first time I went snow skiing was when I was 20 or so. I went with a male who swore that I wouldn't need any snow skiing lessons because he could teach me everything that I needed to know... ummm I should have never listened to him because his idea of teaching me was to yell at me for not picking up how to do this intuitively. sigh I did manage to figure out a few things on my own, but I made the very sad mistake of falling down near a skiing class. The instructor decided to use me and an example to his entire class. Now before when I fell down I would just pop my bindings open to remove my skis, get upright and then pop my skis back on. But "Mr Instructor" wanted me to help him show his class how to do it without taking off my skis. @@ So Mr Instructor is telling me to turn around on my bottom to align my skis perpendicular to the hill (note: I was already perpendicular to the hill to begin with!!!) then he is telling me to put my ski polls on the downhill side of my skis while my bottom is on the uphill side. then I'm supposed to heave myself up over my skis. Problem...I didn't have the strength to do that. I tried about 3 times before the instructor decided that perhaps I might be telling the truth. He then decided to give me a hand up...and when that didn't work either! He gave up and allowed me to pop off the skis. I popped off my skis, got up popped my skis back on and was on my way. sigh! This was also the trip where I ended up doing one of those cartwheel falls and at one point ended up with my back facing downhill!!! Lucky for me we called it a day at about noon.

My next ski trip I went with DH & BIL. We first tried out the ski area with some harder runs for BIL since he is a black diamond skier. We got to the ski lift and headed up the hill on a 3 person lift. I was in the center and as we reached the top I realized that I needed to push off on something to get off, but there was nothing for me to grab as the entire lift was taken up by BIL & DH!!! I'm trying to figure out what to grab and the next thing you know I'm still on the lift as it is going down. I'm sooooo glad I had on sunglasses as I was so embarrased!!! As I'm heading down I can hear the people heading up saying "I wonder if they know she's still on there?" Apparently they did know I was on there. DH & BIL met me at the bottom and DH says he overheard some of the conversations that happened there. The ski patrol was all upset that they had not been notified of an injured skier...they send injured skiers down on the lifts. They were told that at the top they had no idea why I was still on there. When I reached the bottom they stopped the lift for me...figuring that I must not know how to get off...but since they don't use the down side the snow there was all fluffy and I promptly fell down! (kill me now...PLEASE!) DH & a lift opperator came over to help me up and drag me away.

We then decided that perhaps it would be better if I was on an easier run and headed over there on another lift. This time I was on the edge so I could push off! We did the easy run a few times and decided to try out a different run nearby. This run was labled as an easy green circle run. DH & I get there and find that no one is on this run??? and it's powder! WHAT??? I've never skied powder before and faster than you can blink I'm under the surface. I ended up falling and getting snow in my pants! BURRR! I somehow manage to get myself and my skis above the snow and try again only to be under the snow again. Phoey! I give up! I pop off my skis and I walked down the mountain. I spend the rest of our time on the very easy, not too long hill.

My very last ski trip we go back to this same ski area and I am determined to stay on the hill I know. And at first I'm doing very well zigzagging across the hill. But as time passes the slope gets more crowded and the sun came out & the winds picked making the slope start to ice over. My last time up the slope is packed with humans...there was no where to go except right under the chair lift. There was no where to zigzag to slow down, and I'm headding straight down the hill picking up speed cuz it's all ice. As I reach the bottom the hill is even more crowded and I don't know where I'm supposed to try to stop. Picture crazy fast skier waving hands & polls around trying to get oblivious folks to move out of my way! DH sees me, but he's on the lift and there isn't a thing he can do...I guess he was going to trip me or something. Finally I spot an area that had no humans in it and aim for that. I plow in for what was supposed to look like a beautiful stop like you see in the movies..only it wasn't beautiful. It looked more like a slide into home plate with me twisting flat on my back and the skis popping off! what I landed in was a rock hard pile of snow that had been plowed from the parking lot. And it is only by the grace of God that I didn't end up making a new doorway into the giftshop.

I haven't had the urge to go skiing since. But I do want Darly to go...and get lessons! I'm so glad that my brother & his wife are smart enough to send my nephew to lessons instead of trying to teach him themselves. I should take Darly up during the week while DH is at work...yeah, that would work. hee hee now to save up the money for this. LOL!


  1. Loved reading about your skiing experiences (sorry about that!) and love your sense of humour!!
    I am very biased about this sport and yes, I had some lessons when I was very young. Now is all technique, lol. By all means have Darly take some lessons, kids learn very fast and a couple of times are probably enough. Keep us posted!!

  2. PLEEEEEEASE take me skiing PLEASE!!!
    Love Darly

  3. (Your blog hates me today!)

    I love that you posted this! :)

    Take Darly asap. I was 17 the first - and only - time I went skiing and I was a disaster. There were four-year-olds skiing cirlces (literally) around me on the slopes. Embarrassing!

    I don't know what all this fat on my body is for, but it doesn't keep me at all warm.

    ROFL Me too!

  4. So when it's cold out, I layer up and I look like the Michelin Man.

    What is that, Gore-Tex?

    That was hilarious. Thanks for sharing, and also for not injuring any other skiers :) When you were talking about trying to stop, all I could think about was the handicapped lady that George and Kramer bought the used wheelchair for, speeding downhill and screaming.